(one)
I fall down
a viper in the grass.
I await you
come night
do not wear any shoes
when you cross the lawn,
my feelings are bare.
I lift myself up
I become a priest in a temple.
You are the sun, the moon
the great body of heaven
but I worshiped no God.
I tried forgetting myself,
I danced in the courtyard
until I became senseless
but no wine is as potent as you.
The drums pounded and
the trees shook.
Blood was spilled on the sand
Yet the breeze failed to deliver me
of my sorrow.
(two)
Who am I to you?
Who am I to myself?
Who am I to the God who lives in heaven?
What am I?
An immensity? A laugh?
A gathering of experience?
The sound of clashing cymbals?
Despair is a constant companion.
Disappointment a mirror I use to examine my reflection.
What is hunger, this coiled snake in my stomach
that compels me to you?
(three)
I run from lowlands to mountains,
searching for the one that has eluded my heart.
Love is a mist in the distance,
I run towards it and it disappears.
I only have you;
a fleeting shadow, a song sung alone.
If I carry a lamp, you run away and hide.
If I extinguish the light
I cannot find you in the darkness.
What am I to you?
What am I to myself?
I am nothingness: an illusion
induced my intoxicants,
a nauseous journey,
a pilgrimage to no destination.
A fallen nation,
a fallen people,
a broken ideal.
Love is a mountain in the distance
an uncharted continent.
A perilous journey I
am not man enough to make.
This poem was originally written in 2005 while I was a student studying in Malaysia.
